Issue No. 14 - Take What Is Yours
Healthy Loving by Brindy Francis
Healthy Loving by Brindy Francis
As published in Mad Sounds Magazine Issue No. 13 - Love in Stereo
Healthy Loving
editorial by Brindy Francis
“Everybody’s gotta love someone, but I just want to love you,
dear.” - The Drums
I’ve asked a few people to describe their love life in one word.
Home
Enduring
Butterflies
Terrifying
Indifferent
Uplifted
Uncomfortable
Nonexistent
One may think “love” is just an emotion. It actually is
something that promotes emotion. Notice that not all of these
answers are positive. Most think love is something that makes
everyday easier; the belief that if you love, you’ll be jumping
for joy. Being “in love” in fantasized. Everybody craves
relationships. You can be in love and unhappy.
I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship. I fell in love with a
boy who was more sexually advanced than I was. He was also
emotionally draining. I was young and didn’t understand the
aspects of an “unhealthy” relationship. In fact, it was my first
relationship! I didn’t want to end what I thought could have
been the most important thing in the world. I thought that if
you are in love, it’s worth anything. Eventually, I got out. For
a good amount of time, I devoted myself to a boy who did not
deserve me. Hence, not always does love give off jubilant
feelings.
Love provokes many different emotions. You can be in love and
still feel extreme discomfort. You can love your ex-
boyfriend/girlfriend and still have no respect for him/her. You
can not make yourself stop loving someone. Love comes naturally.
It is not forced upon people and it can not be knocked out of
someone. You will experience all sorts of love as you keep
moving through life. You will experience love you regret,
admire, and all sorts of different emotions. Love is beautiful,
but only when it’s healthy.
It’s imperative to know the aspects of a healthy relationship
(romantic or not). You must know how to communicate. If you and
your partner are in a disagreement, try your best to understand
the other side and compromise from there. Love can be a tricky
thing; especially when when you have conflict in interest.
Really try to focus on the things you both love instead of that
of the opposite.
The number one thing I have learned from relationships is to
just spread as much love as you can, but be extremely careful.
The second you’re feeling uncomfortable or unhappy, don’t be
afraid to move on from this chapter in your life. The point of
being in a relationship is to share your aspirations and dreams
with someone you love. Never should you be committed to someone
and feel dejected at the same time. Always remember that the
most important person to commit to is yourself.
The healthiest love you can radiate is that toward yourself.
This February, I challenge you to buy yourself some chocolates-
relationship or not. Paint a picture and give it to yourself.
Call yourself beautiful. Read a book and have a conversation
with yourself about your favorite character. Give yourself the
most attention. Remember: the most important love is healthy
love.
The Lungs of NYC: An Interview with Tor Miller
The Lungs of NYC: An Interview with Tor Miller
a Northeastern musician interviewed by a Southwestern girl for a West Coast publication
By Zoe Allen
In August of last year, I was driving my mom around listening to an indie, off the grid radio station. A song came on--one entitled “Midnight”, off of an EP called “Headlights” by an artist by the name of Tor Miller. I had never heard of him before, but was instantly impressed with his wooing, compelling, and soothing vocals and enchanting lyrics. I had to look him up--and get an interview with him--as soon as I could. Here it is, exclusively for Mad Sounds.
ZA: Tell me about how you grew up. Does this have any impact on your music today?
TM: When I was about 12 years old I moved from New York City to New Jersey and for a couple years felt very isolated. During this period I began to form a bond with music and writing. Many of my early songs were about the loneliness I felt and the longing to get back home.
ZA: How would you describe yourself? Is your music a reflection of who you are?
TM: I would say I am kind, thoughtful and all the other generic things. But if you listen to the lyrics of my music you have insight to some of my inner most thoughts, how I feel about myself and the life I have lived.
ZA: I know that when I write (not songs), sometimes I write out of experience and sometimes I do not. Do you write by experience? If so, do you write by experience always? If not, what do you write about?
TM: I write about my own experiences and the experiences of those around me.
ZA: What is your main source of inspiration?
TM: I draw inspiration from the relationships I’ve formed with friends, family and various girlfriends. I write about many an introverted moment I have experienced, either walking the streets of New York City or sitting out in a field of my parents horse farm trying to figure out the big questions of our own existence.
ZA: How does being surrounded by New York City inspire your lyrics?
TM: There are so many stimulants on the streets, so much subject-matter, issues and concerns which people of NYC face. If you walk around long enough and talk to those around you, you find even subconsciously it seeps into your music.
ZA: Speaking of your lyrics, are all lyrics by you? Do you have any help in writing them? What is your songwriting process?
TM: Yes, I write my lyrics on my own and in some cases with others, while doing co-writing sessions. I usually begin creating my music with the harmonic and melodic elements with a subject matter in mind and then I will finish with the lyrics, but it all sort of happens at once.
ZA: Who are your favorite artists? Favorite songs?
TM: [Musicians are] David Bowie, Ray Charles, Tom Waits, Elton John and others. Song wise, For All We Know by Donny Hathaway, Rock n Roll Suicide by Bowie, Hard times by Charles.
ZA: Favorite place in the whole world?
TM: Easy. NYC.
ZA: New York City is huge, metropolitan, and crawling with conviviality and people. Because of how huge it is, do you ever feel swallowed up? Is it easy to become lonely in such a big city, or do you always feel at peace?
TM: I certainly need a break from it from time to time. What I do is absorb all the influence and energy until I have a system overload and will travel out to the horse farm and start creating based off those experiences. I find the hectic nature very calming in many ways.
ZA: If there was one thing you could change in the world what would it be? Do you donate to any charities or help out with any causes?
TM: That’s a hard question, there needs to be many changes in this world. But something immediate I would wish for is the abolition of guns in our country. I could fill book with changes I want for this world.
ZA: My last question. Why do you make music?
It was something I found very early in life which made me happy whenever I was sad. It helped me stay out of trouble as a kid and has been a watchful eye over me since those first two years I felt alone in New Jersey.
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