Living With No Apologies

Photo by Jack Maffucci. Featuring Sam Weir.  Mad Sounds Magazine "Issue 16: Youth & Lust"

Even if they aren’t together anymore and can no longer claim the “couple goals” title, I still follow both Alexis Ren and Jay Alvarez on social media.  They’re gorgeous people.  Anyways, something Alexis tweeted a couple days ago caught my attention: “It’s intoxicating when someone is so unapologetically who they are”.  I had heard that concept before, but, for whatever reason, it really stuck out to me at that moment.  I contemplated it and realized that every person I have ever admired lived their life in such a way where they had no shame in who they were.  Such a rare quality.

I’m fully aware that there is “nothing new under the sun”.  I mean, there’s 7 billion people in the world.  Originality is fairly impossible, so it’s inevitable that, to an extent, everyone is going to be a mixture of those whom they are influenced by.  I actually think that’s a good thing.  It’s great to notice the good in others and apply that to your own life.  However, when observing how easily we are influenced by others, I’ve noticed some potential for harm.  Oftentimes, we don’t do what we want, say what we want, or think what we want.  We simply do what is either acceptable, glorified, or beneficial. 

That truth is absolutely terrifying and unfulfilling.  When observing the last 20 years of my life I noticed I’ve hardly done anything simply because I wanted to. Similarly, I’ve noticed my words and actions have not always lined up with who I am inwardly because of fear and a desire to be accepted.  It’s scary to imagine living an entire life that way.

I have to tell myself every day that it’s okay to do things simply because it makes me happy.

I have to tell myself every day that it’s okay to wear something simply because I like it.

I have to tell myself every day that it’s okay to say something simply because I want to. 

I have to tell myself every day it’s okay to feel something simply because I do. 

I have to tell myself every day it’s okay to say no simply because I don’t want to. 

& I’m going to keep telling myself these things. 

It’s my life and it’s not fair to conduct it in any other way than how I want.  I’ve rarely done anything for the sole purpose of it making me happy.  I’ve realized that’s reason enough to do anything, so long as it doesn't harm anyone.  Don’t get me wrong, that’s not an excuse to be lazy and waste my life away.  It’s simply a license to do things solely for myself and to do them well.  I’m going to be unapologetically who I am and see where it takes me.