Letting Go: Creative Living Without Fear

Joanna Kuchta for Mad Sounds Magazine Issue 14 - Take What is Yours

I've always been a devout reader, but I never realized that writing was my passion until freshman year of high school. As tumultuous as the beginning of high school was for me, I realize now the silver lining in my dread - that frustration provided the perfect inspiration for writing. Reading any of my writing back makes me furrow my eyebrows in embarrassment; I realize now my poetry was a lame imitation of my favorite authors at the time.

I've come a long way since then: I used to write in a draft in my email for no one to read and now I've been in a variety of publications. Those lonely nights sitting at my bedroom desk, staring at the ceiling for an hour straight, made my creativity blossom. I can remember the precise moment that everything changed for me: the day I got my AP scores back the summer of my freshman year. I hadn't done as well as I had hoped, and I felt defeated. I solemnly messaged my friend Katy with the news, and she advised me to write about it. So there I was, sitting in the library of my local community college, and I wrote. I wrote about my dissatisfaction with the education system, my resentment at being seen as a number in society. That was the first piece of writing that was actually meaningful to me.

Even though my mind just belongs in the creative industry, I tried for so many years to suppress my love for writing. I decided that I was going to pursue environmental science as my major. Then I decided that I could minor in creative writing and have it as a hobby - which brings me to now, applying to college as either a creative writing or media major. While I have so much respect for the STEM fields (I am a proud member of #GirlsWhoCode), my heart just belongs with storytelling.

I remember the first magazine I was ever published in. I counted down the days until its release, when I made a huge smoothie bowl and sat down in my living to read the entire publication. I know that putting your work out there can be intimidating, but there is no better feeling than holding a magazine with your name on it. Now, the purpose of writing isn't to get your name out there and make lots of money (although that would be nice). Write to tell the stories that you dream of at night, to express the feelings you've bottled up, to reveal your perspective.

I'm far from an established, prestigious writer, who spends her time bathing in fortune and demand. If we're being completely honest, I'm just a high school student who is no longer afraid to use her voice. My journey as a developing writer has been confusing, at times scary, but immensely rewarding. From writing my own struggles to reading about the plight of others, I have truly broadened my perspective. Writing has taught me that I don't have to be perfect. I just need a story to tell.

This summary of my progress as a creative leads me here, to tell you that it might not be okay. Again, we're being candid with each other. In a society that criticizes writers, filmmakers, and photographers but feeds off media consumption, we are kind of doomed. The creative industry is fiercely competitive, connections are vital, and you may spend your days slaving away at a job not even remotely related to your passion. That being said, I'm not going to lie on my bed at night, scared that I will die without of having tried.

I'm Emily. I am a writer - not a lawyer, a doctor, or a scientist. And admitting that has never felt better.