Prior to the close of 2015, Spotify sent out an email letting users know they had launched a service allowing customers to track their listening patterns over the course of the previous year. Considering I was in class “preparing for finals” when I received the email, I decided it would be a good time to check out my Year in Review. After seeing that Never Shout Never had somehow made it into my list of top five most played artists and accepting that I will probably never get over my Jr. High obsession, I clicked on a tab showing that I spent 89,000 minutes listening to music during the year. The subheading kindly made me feel worse about myself by letting me know that translates to the equivalent of 62 days.
The fact that I spent 16.98% of my time listening to the art of complete strangers led me to contemplate what effect the musicians of this generation could be having on both myself and my peers. Surely if I spend so much time engrossed in the thoughts and words of others I must be learning a thing or two about myself in the process. Over six months later, I think I finally figured out why I spend so much time listening to music and what it has been helping me realize about myself.
I’ve recently come to accept and admit that there have been periods in my life when I have dealt with varying degrees of depression. For the longest time I refused to acknowledge that fact because I am arrogant, hard-headed, and refuse to think anything about myself that is less than ideal. As someone who is determined to do well with the life given to me, I stuffed my issues to the back of my mind because I was under the impression that those who are successful in their careers are continually happy, satisfied, and have never dealt with the same sort of creeping darkness. I refused to admit to myself that I feel any way other than invincible, because I believed that no one successful ever deals with the same issues. Therefore, I simply needed to ignore mine until they disappeared. What finally made me realize that my perceptions were in no way accurate was listening to the themes of some of my favorite artists and seeing that even these highly talented individuals deal with some of the same issues but have persevered and found a way to create and use their platform for positivity in the process.
An artist that I spent a decent amount of those 89,000 minutes listening to was Halsey. In an interview with elle.com, she mentioned that, as a child dealing with bipolar disorder and depression, her mother would ask her: “'Would you rather be blissfully ignorant or would you rather be pained and aware?” Listening to her music, it is clear that she has chosen “pained and aware”. For some of us, we don’t really have a choice. “Pained and aware” is simply what we are stuck with. What is inspiring is that Halsey is showing that awareness of pain does not have to be a curse. Rather, it can be manipulated into something beautiful.
It is the lack of a false pretense that make artists like Halsey so important to this generation and is something that other artists have incorporated as a requirement in their music. Jesse Rutherford from the Neighbourhood had some interesting words to say regarding his art in an interview with Life+Times that I think explains this desire for transparency. Regarding the band’s music, he’s quoted as saying, “It’s raw. I think this world, right now, just needs something that’s straightforward, raw, and honest. We all want to be lied to deep down… But it’s just not fucking reality”.
If there’s one artist who deals with the anxiety and depression of this reality that Jesse was speaking of and manages to break down creative walls in the process, I believe it’s Kendrick Lamar. His persistence and resilience is admirable and something that serves as an inspiration to me individually. In the midst of an environment that celebrates money and achievement, he seems to be one of the first to admit that “money can’t stop a suicidal weakness”. In the face of that, he’s quoted as saying “How can I use it [my leadership]? For better or for worse?” “Money or celebrity, how can I use it? How can I pimp it? Can I pimp it negatively, or can I pimp it in a positive way? Positive for me is showing what I go through, what I’ve been through … but that I still love myself at the end of the day.”
It is that level of transparency from the artists I admire and their continued determination to tell of their struggles in a creative way, that I believe is helping myself and my generation find some peace as we figure out our place in the 21st century. I am learning to realize that there is a freedom in recognizing that not every aspect of life is ideal. Rather, life is a process that is neither black or white. It is a growth and a struggle. It is helping me realize that there is a freedom in recognizing that even the most successful and the most respectable deal with the same mental issues that I struggle with and those I care about struggle with. There is a freedom in realizing that not every negative emotion needs to be silenced. Rather, it is possible and healthy to voice those negative emotions beautifully in a resilient way that eliminates the isolation of depression and forms a community around art. What that does is create a generation of creative minds who have had no choice but to fight, survive, and create throughout the midst of chaos. Rather than wallowing in their struggles, these artists have chosen to deal with their demons and spite them by creating works that are altering a generation. A transparency to admit and a resilience to create is why I spent 89,000 minutes listening to music last year.
The fact that I spent 16.98% of my time listening to the art of complete strangers led me to contemplate what effect the musicians of this generation could be having on both myself and my peers. Surely if I spend so much time engrossed in the thoughts and words of others I must be learning a thing or two about myself in the process. Over six months later, I think I finally figured out why I spend so much time listening to music and what it has been helping me realize about myself.
I’ve recently come to accept and admit that there have been periods in my life when I have dealt with varying degrees of depression. For the longest time I refused to acknowledge that fact because I am arrogant, hard-headed, and refuse to think anything about myself that is less than ideal. As someone who is determined to do well with the life given to me, I stuffed my issues to the back of my mind because I was under the impression that those who are successful in their careers are continually happy, satisfied, and have never dealt with the same sort of creeping darkness. I refused to admit to myself that I feel any way other than invincible, because I believed that no one successful ever deals with the same issues. Therefore, I simply needed to ignore mine until they disappeared. What finally made me realize that my perceptions were in no way accurate was listening to the themes of some of my favorite artists and seeing that even these highly talented individuals deal with some of the same issues but have persevered and found a way to create and use their platform for positivity in the process.
An artist that I spent a decent amount of those 89,000 minutes listening to was Halsey. In an interview with elle.com, she mentioned that, as a child dealing with bipolar disorder and depression, her mother would ask her: “'Would you rather be blissfully ignorant or would you rather be pained and aware?” Listening to her music, it is clear that she has chosen “pained and aware”. For some of us, we don’t really have a choice. “Pained and aware” is simply what we are stuck with. What is inspiring is that Halsey is showing that awareness of pain does not have to be a curse. Rather, it can be manipulated into something beautiful.
It is the lack of a false pretense that make artists like Halsey so important to this generation and is something that other artists have incorporated as a requirement in their music. Jesse Rutherford from the Neighbourhood had some interesting words to say regarding his art in an interview with Life+Times that I think explains this desire for transparency. Regarding the band’s music, he’s quoted as saying, “It’s raw. I think this world, right now, just needs something that’s straightforward, raw, and honest. We all want to be lied to deep down… But it’s just not fucking reality”.
If there’s one artist who deals with the anxiety and depression of this reality that Jesse was speaking of and manages to break down creative walls in the process, I believe it’s Kendrick Lamar. His persistence and resilience is admirable and something that serves as an inspiration to me individually. In the midst of an environment that celebrates money and achievement, he seems to be one of the first to admit that “money can’t stop a suicidal weakness”. In the face of that, he’s quoted as saying “How can I use it [my leadership]? For better or for worse?” “Money or celebrity, how can I use it? How can I pimp it? Can I pimp it negatively, or can I pimp it in a positive way? Positive for me is showing what I go through, what I’ve been through … but that I still love myself at the end of the day.”
It is that level of transparency from the artists I admire and their continued determination to tell of their struggles in a creative way, that I believe is helping myself and my generation find some peace as we figure out our place in the 21st century. I am learning to realize that there is a freedom in recognizing that not every aspect of life is ideal. Rather, life is a process that is neither black or white. It is a growth and a struggle. It is helping me realize that there is a freedom in recognizing that even the most successful and the most respectable deal with the same mental issues that I struggle with and those I care about struggle with. There is a freedom in realizing that not every negative emotion needs to be silenced. Rather, it is possible and healthy to voice those negative emotions beautifully in a resilient way that eliminates the isolation of depression and forms a community around art. What that does is create a generation of creative minds who have had no choice but to fight, survive, and create throughout the midst of chaos. Rather than wallowing in their struggles, these artists have chosen to deal with their demons and spite them by creating works that are altering a generation. A transparency to admit and a resilience to create is why I spent 89,000 minutes listening to music last year.
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